Drunk and disorderly...

The last week or two of the month are always slow for business for me and yesterday was no exception, so i decided to get a bit pissed to alleviate boredom. The first rule of drinking when on cam...DO expect every smartarse who observes you with a drink in your hand to remark that you seem pissed...even if it's your very first sip of alcohol for 24 hours. Oh, and every guy on a cam site wants you to be drunk cos they think it means that you'll end up so horny that you'll end up shagging the empty wine bottle in public chat out of frustration. Highly amusing to me that there is such a stereotype of drunk girls/women. I for one find that drinking makes me chatty, looselipped and eventually puts me to sleep. It doesn't make me more horny. The times when I've had drunken one night stands in my life it's been because I was drunk enough to not not have a reason not to and whichever guy was aiming at me was essentially taking advantage of my laid back nature rather than my deepseated need to tear his underwear off with my teeth.

The thing is I'm pretty unihibited anyway...so i don't need drunkeness as an excuse to fuck someone. The drunken lay will usually find with me that as soon as i'm sober enough to see them properly they get kicked out unceremoniously without being asked for name or contact details. And i resolve that drunk sex is disappointing and invariably pointless. Grand passion doesn't happen after a bottle of wine for me. It's when I'm totally present in the moment with a clear head...maybe a line of coke if it's around but no need for mood enhancers generally.

Crash bang wallop

Dear Diary,

Last week I split up with my boyfriend of two years and it hurts like hell. Not only that but it has pre-empted me being psetered out of my existance by stalkerish self -proclaimed 'nice guys' when I'm online who seem to think that all i really need to sort my self out is their cock/tongue/unwanted attention when not on cam (via msn) and have policies of not spending any money on cam sites...but seem to think they are gods gift to women and that I must be wetting my knickers in anticipation of the thought of meeting up with them for a sordid motel fuck.

Now I find the fact that there are so many men who can't separate fantasy from reality really fucking ODD. I wouldn't meet a stranger from the internet for a fuck because it's DANGEROUS. and when you're talking to someone online you have no idea of their personal hygiene, real identity or sexual history/possible plethora of diseases carried. So why would any sane woman in her right mind be expected to be flattered by this bullshit?

The beauty of what I do is i get all the fun and none of the risk...supposedly. I'm not a callgirl. I am the queen of disassociation...whilst managing to be personal. Like a very friendly stripper with a strict no touching policy. It's all played out in your head and mine. And no risk to anyone. Simple. Beautiful. Enjoyable...or would be if the silly dicks out there who can't get to grips with the disassociation would just take that step and try and understand.

In my very real life I have an ex boyfriend who I adore and can't be with because it just doesn't work even though we love each other. And a nice situation with someone who inspires me greatly but we have no tie to each other, just a great deal of like and understanding. And I'm happy with that for now.